Candid

Finally took the leap and started a blog, yet I sit here staring at a blank screen. How do I even begin? Where do I start? What’s important and exciting enough about my life that I will want to reread it? Or if in the unforeseen future I decide to share this with friends and family, what would they care about? And does that even matter? Too many questions, too many reservations, too much fear.

I want this blog to be candid. Genuine. Honest. Good days. Bad days. And whatever falls in between.

You know when you start up any new account, how there’s always an “about me” section? Well, I always dread filling that part out. What about me do I want to provide for someone’s first impression? What do I want to portray to someone who barely knows me, or maybe has never met me at all? And seriously, how do you keep that down to a few short lines?

Hello, my name is…

No, but really. Who am I? I am the girl who fails constantly. Yet, undeservingly, has a God full of grace and love and strength and wisdom. I want to grow. To be better tomorrow than I am today. I’m the girl that sings All American Rejects “Dirty Little Secret” to my popsicle because I’ve (oh so wisely) chosen sugar water as my post run snack (my favorite are the banana twin pops, if you were curious). I’m the girl that gives myself hives in anticipation of a test. Yes, my anxiety is that bad. I’m the girl who second guesses and analyzes every word that comes out of my mouth. Sometimes it’s easier to avoid conversation, rather than face the fear of embarrassing myself. That’s not okay. I want to change that. I’m the girl who lives over 1,000 miles away from my mom, dad, and brother and struggles with the distance every single day. I try to be positive, because I know how absolutely blessed I am to have them, distance or not, but I am human and I am selfish and I want them here. I’m the girl who sings more than not, who doodles flowers on all her school work, and who is obsessed with anything and everything with turtles.

Is this everything I would want a stranger to know about me? No. Is this a good first impression? Probably not. But it’s candid. Ultimately that’s the goal… right? I am Alyssa, full of imperfections, anxiety, awkwardness, and self-doubt — but more importantly… I am Alyssa, surrounded by God’s love, and full of passion, intense curiosity, unfiltered outbursts, and excitement.

All this “about me” talk made me curious to see what I even have on my Facebook currently. Probably written around 2008, all it says is “my dream in life is to own a candy shop/soda fountain identical to the one on Willy Wonka.” ….. Still true. Maybe this whole post is pointless, and that’s all I ever needed to say.

Until next time.

-Alyssa